changes.

Even though Senator and I had a talk last night about him needing to treat me better, and it was good and I think it will help, I think I know in my heart, he won't be "the one" which is really too bad because I had my heart set on it.

I am 23. i am too young to be this serious. I dont want to get married until I'm closer to 27 or 28. I don't want to put up with this for that long. I want to have fun and be loved and be HAPPY.

I need to make some changes. I've let myself settle my whole life. I need to make some new goals. I need to really make the commitment to losing weight. And I need to stop catering to him so much. He's getting used to me doing certain things for him and we aren't married. We are boyfriend/girlfriend. I am going to start going to bed when I want to go to bed, and I'm going to get up when I want to get up. He can learn to cater around some of my needs.

From this day on I am going to be better at not drinking, be more active and start going back to the gym, be nicer to my friends and be more available for them, and i am going to make myself healthy. I've fallen into this trap where I'm stuck in my own body and drowning if that makes sense... in my body, in my mind, it's really time to make some changes. I can't go on living like this, and if i make this commitment and keep it, i could be changing my life drastically. if he's going to treat me like a roommate rather than a friend, then i'm going to do the same and do my own thing.

but mostly, i want to get into shape. i want to be healthy and i want to be attractive. i want to be a catch, a prize. i want to be wanted. i already have the personality and everything else that goes with being a great person, but it would be a million times better if i had the body to go with it. i'm tired of the old me, the one who lets people walk all over me and i am determined to become the person i am meant to be.