this is a scary post.

yesterday when senator and i went to target, i was admiring the adorable baby clothes (for my friends babies) when we got into a discussion about how they are ridiculous and the kids are uncomfortable and they outgrow the clothes etc. my response was "well, sure, but sometimes you have to let the fun side out of you and quiet the responsible part"

it was a silly discussion, but his response was, "that's why i want to make sure i'm stable in my career so i have enough money to provide for my kids"

or something like that.

first of all, holycowyou'retalkingkidswithme. second of all, isn't this the right route?

secondly. we've been looking at houses. our dream houses. he's super into "i want a strawbale house" which are cool. but the point is, we're looking at houses. we joke around about our future (together) without actually saying "one day when we get married"

and i really really really hope it happens, moreso because i wouldn't be able to handle the alternative. i know that i would always fall back on these conversations were we to break up, and be bitter about it my whole life (until i found someone new) because, this was supposed to be our future.

i have crossed the line from rational thinking to "i have these plans set up for my future" thinking and i can't go back, and it's really really going to suck if things don't work out. not saying they aren't, but i always have to look at both sides.

look at the facts
-he cooks, cleans, and does the dishes.
-he comforts me when i have a bad day
-he gives perfect bear hugs
-he's good, really good, in the bedroom
-he's got a great sense of humor
-he's smart... he's SUPER smart
-he's on a career path that will make him enough money to do what he wants, and to support a family eventually. more importantly, he's doing something he'll be good at and enjoy, and its the same as what my dad does
-he doesn't want to live where we currently live forever.
-he's got a great relationship with his parents
-we have very similar upbringings.

it's almost a little too perfect.

whatever. i'm happy with him. i just need to work on letting go of the little things. it's cuz i'm a girl. and a girl who is a wee bit jealous he's getting to be friends with the girl he sits next to in his classes, and who he has a study... session with later today. but we also have a fantastic date night planned tonight, so i guess i can't complain.

sometimes it's better to blogvomit everywhere. :)

i'm happy.

i'm a bit resentful that i feel that i make dinner ALL. THE. TIME. at our house, and that i pay for everything. I enjoy making dinner for the two of us, and i enjoy making him happy and full. but tonight i was like, dude, i pay for ALL THIS STUFF and you get to eat it all and i make it all.

so instead of being a bitch or making a mean comment, i just mentioned, "hey next time we go to "insert our grocery store here" could you please buy "this" ? i really like making meals for us but it would be easier financially on me if you would buy this."

and he said " i'm glad you like to cook. i appreciate you cooking and yes, i'll get some of that for you"

that's all it took. instead of an argument.

wish i would have known that earlier.

i love this man more than i could ever love anyone. ever.

did i mention that i made dinner? and because i did, i don't feel bad about him doing all the dishes?

i would TOTALLY rather make dinner than do the dishes.

this man is totally a keeper. and i love him. so much.

senator suprised me with flowers the other day on our anniversary, and a cute little snowman stuffed animal. it was precious. and he even put purple flowers in the bunch, which are my fav. instead of going out and spending money we don't have, etc, we just made dinner at home and watched a movie. death at a funeral. not quite a date/romantic movie, but it was there from netflicks, and it was funny.

this weekend he slacked on studying and we hung out all saturday. and last night we went to a city tree lighting ceremony and took the obligitory in-front-of-the-tree picture. it's my first one and i love it.

the other day he slipped and said, "when we have kids" and "i'm going to start saving for our house" and little things like that. i called him on it and he shut up, but i'm starting to think that he really truly is in this for the long run :)

now if only he didnt have a million dollars in student loans to pay back. ;)

here's a novel idea: drinking sucks.

usually drinking every night, i stopped Friday. Until last night. and sheeeeet. i felt like crap ALL.MORNING. at work. where i had a LOT to do. figures.

just another reminder of why i need to cut back, or at least only do it on the weekends.

six months ago, i had a cold, senator came home early, and we watched short circut and he kissed me.

six months ago, i never would have guessed that six months later i'd love him like i do.

i love love love senator. i like waking up in the mornings with him to his scruffy face and how his arm sleepily finds my waist.

he's such a goober. :)

our guests have been MIA... they show up after midnight, and leave during the day so I haven't seen much of them at all, 15 minutes at the most. it's obvious that we've grown apart. i don't even know what's going on with thier lives. but i think that's okay, for now.

i got a random text from them at midnight asking how long it took to get to vegas from my house. i figured that's where they went but when i woke up this morning, they were strewn across my house and liquor bottles were left everywhere, as well as the lights all on. i'm glad i don't live that lifestyle anymore (the random hours, etc). but whatev, they're on vacation.

in other news, we are getting a roommate. well, housemate to be exact. he's a friend of mine, and later his, but unfortunately he's my best friends ex. he's a nice guy, quiet, keeps to himself and clean, but senator and i have gotten so used to it just being the two of us, it might be hard to switch out of that. but we've had nearly 5 months of bliss, having the house to ourselves that it had to end sometime. plus it will save us nearly 500 bucks a month each. so that's a huge plus.

mmm. yeah. not much else to report. senator and i are celebrating six months of "officialness" tomorrow, but no clue on what we're doing. we went to dinner and a jazz concert last night, and we're going to a holiday party on friday. my friends are leaving tomorrow, i think. but i'm not quite sure.

on a side/personal note, i've noticed how much closer/better my relationship with senator is when i don't drink. i think that's an incredibly important realization.

well that whole no drinking thing is turning out to be easy, when you research how it eff's up your body when you're taking medicine.

in other news, i love senator with all my heart. he's a dofus and a jerk sometimes, but above all he loves me and cares about me, and helps me out more than i deserve. i freak out, he makes a joke, he's... a good match for me.

we're celebrating our six month anniversary on thursday.

and between then, we have four guests coming to stay with us and holy shit, i hate them. they' re my friends from high school and the rudest people i know. I CLEANED my house, scrubbed my house etc to get ready for them to be here, and they didn't even bother to tell me when their schedule changed. They didn't tell us that they decided to come a day early, and that they're staying a day longer. and that they wouldn't be here very much at all, since they want to go to disneyland the whole time. Um, hi, i work part time and have family members who work there and they didn't even bother to ask if i wanted to come along. they're just using me for my house. and they didn't invite me to go to the beach or anything, they could care less about me and spending time with me, they want to go hang out and come in and out at odd hours of the night.

punkassbitches.

i'm angry right now. it doesn't help that i got a nasty email from my oldest cousin accusing me of lying about my relationship with senator to our grandma, thinking that we are keeping that from her so we don't get reprimanded for living together in her house. Bah, i hate this.

i haven't written an angry rant in quite awhile and now that it's out of my system, i feel a little better.