wandering lights

this is a scary post.

yesterday when senator and i went to target, i was admiring the adorable baby clothes (for my friends babies) when we got into a discussion about how they are ridiculous and the kids are uncomfortable and they outgrow the clothes etc. my response was "well, sure, but sometimes you have to let the fun side out of you and quiet the responsible part"

it was a silly discussion, but his response was, "that's why i want to make sure i'm stable in my career so i have enough money to provide for my kids"

or something like that.

first of all, holycowyou'retalkingkidswithme. second of all, isn't this the right route?

secondly. we've been looking at houses. our dream houses. he's super into "i want a strawbale house" which are cool. but the point is, we're looking at houses. we joke around about our future (together) without actually saying "one day when we get married"

and i really really really hope it happens, moreso because i wouldn't be able to handle the alternative. i know that i would always fall back on these conversations were we to break up, and be bitter about it my whole life (until i found someone new) because, this was supposed to be our future.

i have crossed the line from rational thinking to "i have these plans set up for my future" thinking and i can't go back, and it's really really going to suck if things don't work out. not saying they aren't, but i always have to look at both sides.

look at the facts
-he cooks, cleans, and does the dishes.
-he comforts me when i have a bad day
-he gives perfect bear hugs
-he's good, really good, in the bedroom
-he's got a great sense of humor
-he's smart... he's SUPER smart
-he's on a career path that will make him enough money to do what he wants, and to support a family eventually. more importantly, he's doing something he'll be good at and enjoy, and its the same as what my dad does
-he doesn't want to live where we currently live forever.
-he's got a great relationship with his parents
-we have very similar upbringings.

it's almost a little too perfect.

whatever. i'm happy with him. i just need to work on letting go of the little things. it's cuz i'm a girl. and a girl who is a wee bit jealous he's getting to be friends with the girl he sits next to in his classes, and who he has a study... session with later today. but we also have a fantastic date night planned tonight, so i guess i can't complain.

sometimes it's better to blogvomit everywhere. :)

i'm happy.